Back in high school, I took 9th grade basic English because it seemed like it would be really easy and I could sleep through it. Funny thing about that class is that I'm good friends with a kid who was in that class and doesn't remember me whatsoever. That pretty much sums up who I was in high school just in case anyone was wondering. Anyways! We had to read Romeo and Juliet in class and I had the fortunate opportunity to read the final words of that story, "For never was there a story of more woe, than that of Juliet and her Romeo". Don't quote me on that because I'm typing that from my 9th grade memory which consisted mostly of "I wonder which one of these girls would let me touch their butt" and many of you already know I'm waaaaaaaay too lazy to open a new tab to look it up.
Here's the thing though, when Shakespeare wrote that line, I bet he didn't realize that someday some kid would try to buy a project car, because there's absolutely no way he would have written that line if he had.
Please bear with me because this is a long post, but my story needs to be told.
Please bear with me because this is a long post, but my story needs to be told.
For never was there a story of more woe, than that of Cody Timm and his search for a project car-o.
It all begins in Ames, where instead of paying attention to the in class lecture, I decided that my time would be better spent searching Cragislist for a cool project car to work on during the summer. Basically I would type any car brand into the search bar and look in any area that was around a 6 hour drive away. I casually did this throughout the year, trying to find the most interesting cars near the Nebraska/Iowa area. Between searching for cars and playing on a stock market simulator, my level of attention really went down in class, which may or may not have attributed to my complete lack of preparedness when it came to finals week. #College
The first real idea came along when I located a Mazda Miata in Illinois, in what was probably February. It was black with a tan leather interior and it looked to be in really good shape. Now I know what you're probably thinking, "Cody, don't you already have a Miata that barely runs and looks like garbage??". Well Mom, yes I do, but this one is different!
Basically, this Miata had a blown transmission (an auto at that!!!!) but the rest of it seemed in good shape, it even had the bigger engine (130hp!!!!). So I texted the guy and asked about the car, my first question being "Is it rusty?" because there was no way I was heading down that path again. Trust me when I say that the #1 thing that will push a girl away from being attracted to you isn't your looks or your character or the fact that you're a 21 year old college student who still isn't sure what he wants to do with his life and has a car blog, because the #1 thing that will make you unattractive is the fact that you own a slightly rusty 1994 Mazda Miata. Fact.
Anyways, he texted me back saying he didn't think there was any rust on the car, and I began to have hope. I would drop the broken automatic transmission out, pop the manual out of my car in, and I would have the prettiest Miata my crappy college apartment complex parking lot had ever seen. I could even do a V8 swap in my old car, or turn it into an autocross vehicle by sourcing a new transmission.
However, hope doesn't always turn out the way you want it to. I received some photos of the black Miata and the worst was confirmed. Rust, and plenty of it. It was the white Miata all over again. I thanked the man for his time, ran to the nearest corner of my statistics lecture hall and sobbed. I loved that damn car, and I still mourn it to this day.
As you all can plainly tell, even if this story ended right here and now, it was filled with waaaaaaaaay more woe than that crap Shakespeare wrote about. Two lovers unable to be together because of their families? Try a college kid who was lured into thinking a perfect project car wasn't rusty and sobbing in a lecture hall. It doesn't get sadder than that folks, ask anyone in my statistics class.
I moved on from black Miata, and decided that it was time to look to other manufacturers besides Mazda, and that's how I stumbled upon the idea for a Toyota MR2. For those of you who don't know, the MR2 is a little mid engine coupe-thing Toyota made for a bit of time. I'm not really sure when production ended but I know that the first generation car started in the 1980's and there was a second generation car made in the 1990's. Either of these two vehicles would have been sweet, but the 80's one had the upper hand because it had the babe attracting quality that is pop-up headlights.
I looked for these cars for awhile, but nothing ever really materialized as most of the examples of the breed on Craiglist were quite rusty, and as we've already talked about, that wasn't going to happen again. Nothing else really came up until probably May, right around finals week because apparently I needed something else besides Netflix, video games, and food to distract me from finals.
It was a 1992 Porsche 968, the last iteration of Porsche's 4-cylinder sports cars, and my god it was sweet. The 14 people who read this post may or may not know about all of the car brands I talk about, but everybody knows the brand "Porsche". The best thing about owning a Porsche is the fact that you now have the ability to be very pompous when someone pronounces the brand name wrong. Porsche is technically pronounced like "Porshuh" and not "Porsh", and normally I would call anyone who corrects you a pompous jagweed. Feel free to do that to anyone who does do this to you btw. But I would have loved correcting people as a joke. Also, more importantly, I would have blasted that one song about hopping out of the mf Porsche every time I arrived somewhere with my friends.
Every. Single. Time.
Oh, it also has pop-up headlights, meaning that the ladies would have to form an orderly line. As you could probably guess I loved the car and was excited to go look at it. The price was much lower than one would expect, meaning I wouldn't have to sell myself on the corner just to buy gas for it. After finals week was over, I headed home and went to look at the car, and as soon as I saw it, I loved it even more. I was warned on the phone that the transmission was messed up, and that 3rd gear neutralized upon use. I had no idea what this meant so I pretty much disregarded it as general hoo-hah and decided I could fix it later. Also, it was supposed to have been leaking some power steering fluid. I figured I could also fix that, because as that Hyundai learned, I am the worlds greatest mechanic.
The Porsche (italicized for that extra oomph of pompousness) test drive was very interesting in the fact that it was horrible and kind of terrifying. The car shifted into 3rd gear just fine, but then 4th gear happened, but at the same time it sort of didn't happen. See, the car just revved in 4th gear, so 4th gear didn't necessarily exist in this car at this moment in time, or frankly, at any moment in time. Freaking out a bit, we turned into a storage unit business driveway, thinking we would be able to turn around easily. Haha good joke right? The driveway area was tiny, and the rest of the area was gated off, meaning it was time to execute the perfect 13-point turn. This is where the whole "leaking power steering fluid" issue reared its ugly and extremely low on power steering fluid head.
Trying to turn the car in the limited space was about as difficult as trying not to lash out at someone when they correct you on the pronunciation of Porsche. This was mostly due to heavy steering and the complete lack of power steering, hence the whole "hey this car leaks power steering fluid btw" which I ignored because I knew I wouldn't get myself into a situation where I would need to make a perfectly executed 13-point turn, because I'm not a total nerd. Unfortunately I am a total nerd and since there was no power steering fluid in it, the car made this horrific groaning noise every time I turned the wheel, which in a 13-point turn is quite a lot of times. Anyways, a security man from the storage business came out and helped us get turned around and on our way. He also left us with a great piece of advice about the car, "Don't buy it!". I did not buy the Porsche, but I absolutely loved it. Much like the black Miata then, the Porsche was a dream that was dead in the water. Or dead in the power steering fluid, whichever you prefer.
See? I told you. This story has way more woe in it than R+J. This story is an eleven on the scale of woe-ness, and it only gets woe-ier from here.
The next car I chose to pursue was a 1963 Ford Thunderbird, which was also located in my hometown, so we went to look at it the same day we called about the car. The engine was in good shape, having a fresh rebuild, there was no rust, and the car mostly just needed interior work and trim pieces to be reattached. When I say interior work though, I mean A LOT of interior work. I think there was maybe one seat in the car? Maybe two, but the backseats were non-existent. I loved it though, but then came the question about the glass. The car needed both a front and rear windshield, and the man selling it didn't have the originals. The car also needed brand new tires before we could even move it from the spot where it dug into the dirt, plus a ride on a tow truck home.
After finding out that having all of this done would come to the grand total of 2/3 of the asking price I reluctantly decided to pass on the T-bird. It was a sweet car though, made for cruising and I'd really love to own one someday. It didn't have pop-up headlights though so how serious could I be anyways...
And that ladies and gentlemen, is a story of woe that is much woe-ier than that crap Shakespeare dreamed up when he was probably drunk and looking for some wench to get acquainted with. I don't know if that story has won awards or anything but I know for a fact it became a movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio and some girl, so I fully expect this story to become a big budget film someday. At least a Lifetime movie for sure. Now I just have to think of someone to play me who can get the whole "awkward with girls" thing just right.....
In the end I did end up buying a car, a 1974 Alfa Romeo Spider. That however, is a story for another day. I'll make sure to let you guys know all about the car when I finally get it running and driving. See you in about 5 years then!
Thanks for reading!
Basically, this Miata had a blown transmission (an auto at that!!!!) but the rest of it seemed in good shape, it even had the bigger engine (130hp!!!!). So I texted the guy and asked about the car, my first question being "Is it rusty?" because there was no way I was heading down that path again. Trust me when I say that the #1 thing that will push a girl away from being attracted to you isn't your looks or your character or the fact that you're a 21 year old college student who still isn't sure what he wants to do with his life and has a car blog, because the #1 thing that will make you unattractive is the fact that you own a slightly rusty 1994 Mazda Miata. Fact.
Anyways, he texted me back saying he didn't think there was any rust on the car, and I began to have hope. I would drop the broken automatic transmission out, pop the manual out of my car in, and I would have the prettiest Miata my crappy college apartment complex parking lot had ever seen. I could even do a V8 swap in my old car, or turn it into an autocross vehicle by sourcing a new transmission.
However, hope doesn't always turn out the way you want it to. I received some photos of the black Miata and the worst was confirmed. Rust, and plenty of it. It was the white Miata all over again. I thanked the man for his time, ran to the nearest corner of my statistics lecture hall and sobbed. I loved that damn car, and I still mourn it to this day.
As you all can plainly tell, even if this story ended right here and now, it was filled with waaaaaaaaay more woe than that crap Shakespeare wrote about. Two lovers unable to be together because of their families? Try a college kid who was lured into thinking a perfect project car wasn't rusty and sobbing in a lecture hall. It doesn't get sadder than that folks, ask anyone in my statistics class.
I moved on from black Miata, and decided that it was time to look to other manufacturers besides Mazda, and that's how I stumbled upon the idea for a Toyota MR2. For those of you who don't know, the MR2 is a little mid engine coupe-thing Toyota made for a bit of time. I'm not really sure when production ended but I know that the first generation car started in the 1980's and there was a second generation car made in the 1990's. Either of these two vehicles would have been sweet, but the 80's one had the upper hand because it had the babe attracting quality that is pop-up headlights.
I looked for these cars for awhile, but nothing ever really materialized as most of the examples of the breed on Craiglist were quite rusty, and as we've already talked about, that wasn't going to happen again. Nothing else really came up until probably May, right around finals week because apparently I needed something else besides Netflix, video games, and food to distract me from finals.
It was a 1992 Porsche 968, the last iteration of Porsche's 4-cylinder sports cars, and my god it was sweet. The 14 people who read this post may or may not know about all of the car brands I talk about, but everybody knows the brand "Porsche". The best thing about owning a Porsche is the fact that you now have the ability to be very pompous when someone pronounces the brand name wrong. Porsche is technically pronounced like "Porshuh" and not "Porsh", and normally I would call anyone who corrects you a pompous jagweed. Feel free to do that to anyone who does do this to you btw. But I would have loved correcting people as a joke. Also, more importantly, I would have blasted that one song about hopping out of the mf Porsche every time I arrived somewhere with my friends.
Every. Single. Time.
Oh, it also has pop-up headlights, meaning that the ladies would have to form an orderly line. As you could probably guess I loved the car and was excited to go look at it. The price was much lower than one would expect, meaning I wouldn't have to sell myself on the corner just to buy gas for it. After finals week was over, I headed home and went to look at the car, and as soon as I saw it, I loved it even more. I was warned on the phone that the transmission was messed up, and that 3rd gear neutralized upon use. I had no idea what this meant so I pretty much disregarded it as general hoo-hah and decided I could fix it later. Also, it was supposed to have been leaking some power steering fluid. I figured I could also fix that, because as that Hyundai learned, I am the worlds greatest mechanic.
The Porsche (italicized for that extra oomph of pompousness) test drive was very interesting in the fact that it was horrible and kind of terrifying. The car shifted into 3rd gear just fine, but then 4th gear happened, but at the same time it sort of didn't happen. See, the car just revved in 4th gear, so 4th gear didn't necessarily exist in this car at this moment in time, or frankly, at any moment in time. Freaking out a bit, we turned into a storage unit business driveway, thinking we would be able to turn around easily. Haha good joke right? The driveway area was tiny, and the rest of the area was gated off, meaning it was time to execute the perfect 13-point turn. This is where the whole "leaking power steering fluid" issue reared its ugly and extremely low on power steering fluid head.
Trying to turn the car in the limited space was about as difficult as trying not to lash out at someone when they correct you on the pronunciation of Porsche. This was mostly due to heavy steering and the complete lack of power steering, hence the whole "hey this car leaks power steering fluid btw" which I ignored because I knew I wouldn't get myself into a situation where I would need to make a perfectly executed 13-point turn, because I'm not a total nerd. Unfortunately I am a total nerd and since there was no power steering fluid in it, the car made this horrific groaning noise every time I turned the wheel, which in a 13-point turn is quite a lot of times. Anyways, a security man from the storage business came out and helped us get turned around and on our way. He also left us with a great piece of advice about the car, "Don't buy it!". I did not buy the Porsche, but I absolutely loved it. Much like the black Miata then, the Porsche was a dream that was dead in the water. Or dead in the power steering fluid, whichever you prefer.
See? I told you. This story has way more woe in it than R+J. This story is an eleven on the scale of woe-ness, and it only gets woe-ier from here.
The next car I chose to pursue was a 1963 Ford Thunderbird, which was also located in my hometown, so we went to look at it the same day we called about the car. The engine was in good shape, having a fresh rebuild, there was no rust, and the car mostly just needed interior work and trim pieces to be reattached. When I say interior work though, I mean A LOT of interior work. I think there was maybe one seat in the car? Maybe two, but the backseats were non-existent. I loved it though, but then came the question about the glass. The car needed both a front and rear windshield, and the man selling it didn't have the originals. The car also needed brand new tires before we could even move it from the spot where it dug into the dirt, plus a ride on a tow truck home.
After finding out that having all of this done would come to the grand total of 2/3 of the asking price I reluctantly decided to pass on the T-bird. It was a sweet car though, made for cruising and I'd really love to own one someday. It didn't have pop-up headlights though so how serious could I be anyways...
And that ladies and gentlemen, is a story of woe that is much woe-ier than that crap Shakespeare dreamed up when he was probably drunk and looking for some wench to get acquainted with. I don't know if that story has won awards or anything but I know for a fact it became a movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio and some girl, so I fully expect this story to become a big budget film someday. At least a Lifetime movie for sure. Now I just have to think of someone to play me who can get the whole "awkward with girls" thing just right.....
In the end I did end up buying a car, a 1974 Alfa Romeo Spider. That however, is a story for another day. I'll make sure to let you guys know all about the car when I finally get it running and driving. See you in about 5 years then!
Thanks for reading!
