My First FAQ Post!

Alright, so many (none) of you have been asking me some questions about my life, such as "Cody, should I buy a project car?",or "Cody, how do I change the oil in my car?", and of course, the most common, "Cody, how do you attract such beautiful women?".

Well, yeah. I do think you guys should all buy project cars, because no matter how many problems you come across, and there will be many, the good times will always outweigh the bad times. Today I am going to tell you guys about my first project car, a 1970 Opel GT. I bought it with my friend during the spring of my junior year of high school, and over the summer we attempted, keyword there, "attempted", to restore it to it's former glory.

My friend found the car at a defunct dealership and decided to take a look. The floorboards were rusted through and near the wheel well there was a large piece of bodywork that was just sort of missing. Didn't matter. He was hooked and soon enough, so was I.

Not 5 minutes after purchasing the car, we stopped at a gas station to fill it up for the 50 mile journey home. At this point it decided it hated it's new owners and decided to break down. After being told we would have to move it, I began to wonder just how much gasoline I would have to ingest to forget that this purchase ever happened. Luckily it never came to that because by an act of god the car restarted and we made it the rest of the way home without any issues. Except when the windshield wipers started attacking each other. But it didn't matter! It was home, it looked good, and it was ours!

I was so excited to clean it, work on it, drive it, basically anything to do with the car was an exciting thing, until it came time to title the car. To make a long story short, my buddy and I had to remake the 50 mile journey about 3 times in order to obtain the right paperwork because the DMV had it out for us. I understand how that statement can sound a little conspiracy theorist-ish, but I swear that the DMV told us we needed one thing, then another, then something different again. After contemplating burning the car to the ground as a symbol of revolution against the DMV and everything it stands for, my friend and I calmly talked to another representative who finally agreed to give us the title.

The important thing to remember is that although there were some very rough times during the beginning of our relationship with this car, we always remember how fun it was to own and experience the car. I think everyone who is interested in cars should buy a project car at some point, because its a great learning experience and I guaran-damn-tee that you are going to gave a great time.

Oh, I almost forgot. The only way to attract beautiful women is to work at a video rental store and own a Mazda Miata. Once you've done that, you're golden.

Thanks for reading! Come back soon to hear about the time that I stalled the project car at a major intersection!

Let's talk about balls

Like everyone else in the world there are things that irk me, things that just make me go "why god why". Since I now have a blog and like 20 readers (on a good day) I have a place to talk about such things. So get comfortable ladies and gentlemen, because this one is a doozy, and something that is negatively affecting all Americans.

Truck. Nuts.

For those of you who don't know, truck nuts are a pair of male genitalia or in layman's terms, balls, which are made of rubber and hang off of a truck's tow hitch. They just dangle there, serving no purpose whatsoever, or so it may seem. I have decided to delve into the deep underworld of truck nuts to discover if they actually have a purpose, and if they do, what that purpose is. Here we go!

First! Maybe girls like them?

Nah. Having spoken to what I'm fairly sure were girls, I can definitely say girls don't like a pair of rubber balls hanging on a tow hitch.

Second! Maybe they're funny?

No dice. After researching (googling) "things that are funny" I have discovered that truck nuts were surprisingly not listed. Huh. Odd.

Third! Maybe, just maybe, they serve a purpose I don't know about.

Nope.

The only thing they do is hang there and in my opinion, look bad. Some might say they look tacky or hickish or possibly even good, but I think the word bad really describes exactly what truck nuts look like. If truck nuts were a person, they would have a confederate flag on their wall and be of the mindset that the south would someday, truly, rise again.

Well I'd better be off. For the betterment of America, I have decided to take a cross-country trip and destroy every pair of truck nuts I find. To follow along with my journey and join the cause, head to ihatetrucknuts.com

Thanks for reading!

What are your belts trying to tell you?

Picture this. It's a beautiful morning (in reality it's already probably noon) and you are just waking up, about to get out of bed and suffering from the pounding hangover you got while you were out last night, as the kids say, "turning up". All of the sudden, you hear a horrible screeching noise that makes you curl up in a ball and pray that it ends soon. But it doesn't. How do I know this? Because I'm the guy whose Miata is making that screeching noise, and I can tell you that sometimes the noise persists for quite a while. In an effort to end the suffering of Americans everywhere, I, along with a friend, took on the task of changing the belts on my car.

Now for this post to make sense you have to hear another story. One day as I was driving my car home from the bikini contest where I was a judge, I heard a clang. Immediately I assumed something had fallen off of my car and checked to make sure everything was alright. Since the car wasn't on fire and still moving, I assumed everything was alright and moved on with my life.

And now we finally come to part where these two stories intersect! As we removed the old belts we discovered that my alternator was doing its best truck nut impression, or in other words it was just sort of hanging there, only one bolt attaching it to the car. An alternator is the part of the car that charges the battery while the car is running. When it comes to important things on a car, an alternator is sort of like not having a spoon when it comes to eating Spaghettios. It's just not going to be a fun time.

To put this in perspective, I probably drove over 600 miles with my alternator being kept alive by an old screeching belt, or in other words I was flirting with disaster, cheating certain death, etc. I wasn't on the highway to the danger zone because I was already in it.

After an unsuccessful trip to find a bolt to replace the one that abandoned ship, we decided to just search around the house and found one that we decided did a good enough job of attaching the alternator back to the car. In a way, I owe everything to my old, worn out belts. If you guys wouldn't have screeched (which must have been them warning me in car-speak) and let me know you needed to be changed, I would have never discovered the alternator issue.

Theres a lesson here somewhere, and I believe it goes something like this: If something is wrong, it's best to assume theres a much larger problem at hand and you should probably just cry and hope everything comes out ok.

Thanks for reading!

I finally get it!

Growing up I never really understood the appeal of an SUV, or girls for that matter. I mean what was the big deal? It was just a bigger car, and to me that never really appealed. However, now that I am a full blown adult who will no longer make mistakes aka a 20 year old, I finally understand the appeal of SUVs, and here's a hint, it involves girls.

Full disclosure, I may refer to a few vehicles that may not be SUVs but are actually crossovers or something else and if you can't handle that then you can go away (but make sure to come back for my next post I need an audience please).

Where was I, oh yes SUVs. I like 'em, and I want one in my life. I have a buddy who once owned a Range Rover Classic, and although it rarely moved because Lucas electrics, I loved riding in it. Later in life we test drove a 98 Range Rover and I realized why I loved SUVs.

I loved riding high above the other drivers on the road, and since I was in a Range Rover I am now going to refer to them as peasants. Now I probably wasn't riding very high above the road, but it felt like I was and that feeling was just so cool, and that is probably the best way I can describe it because I have a D in English. Riding around knowing you are high above the ground, and not only that, but it was so comfortable in that car. Maybe that is just because it was a Range Rover, but I felt the same way when I rode around in my roommates ~2003 Ford Explorer.

It's nice to know that I have finally embraced my inner yankee, and have fallen in love with the thing that has been seen as quintessentially American since the days of good ol' Bill Clinton and his saxophone. And as an American I look forward to my first SUV purchase, a Japanese made Toyota 4runner because they're just so cool.

Also girls like SUVs and will let you touch their butt if you have one. I think.

I've bought a car!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my blog!

I started this blog because I am a big fan of Jalopnik, and also because it sounded like more fun than typing my English paper that is due in a few hours.

I bought a car last summer and I am proud to say it is somehow still working and I haven't ruined it yet! Craigslist.com is a great place to find a lot of cheap things, such as hot tubs, erotic experiences, cars etc., and it is the place where I found my car, a 1994 Mazda Miata (The first year for the 1.8 liter engine!!).

*waits for all the gay jokes to roll in*

All jokes aside, I do love my car, but it does need a little TLC. I plan on updating the blog as I discover new problems and telling you guys all about them!

Thanks for reading!

"Yeah there's a little rust but that should be easy to handle"

Nope.

I was completely wrong on the subject of rust when I came to own the first car that I had ever bought for myself, a 1994 Mazda Miata.

First, I would just like to point out that no, I am not gay, and no, I am also not a girl. However if you are actually reading this, then you are probably an "enthusiast" and understand that Miata's aren't just for guys who like interior decorating shows and those mythical creatures I have never talked to because I was too busy trying to fix all the problems my car developed after I had purchased it.

I freely admit to being possibly the world's worst mechanic, and if you happen to read any posts after this one (while bored in your college accounting class I'm sure) then you will come to realize that a monkey with a wrench is a better mechanic than I. 

OK I'm off topic. The point is that I bought the car knowing that it had rust issues and I thought to myself "oh a little bondo, a little paint, that will be an easy fix", and I was so wrong. The rust was worse than I had ever imagined, like I swear this car spent half of its 190K miles underwater and the other half in a salt pile. Maybe I'm just complaining because I'll have to replace the body panels and that is going to take $$$$ and they will just get rusty again in a year because Nebraska, but I believe there is a lesson to be learned here.

If a car you want to buy has rust issues, dont think you can fix it with $10 and some tin foil. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to apply my tears to the affected areas in hope that maybe the rust will take pity on me.