Alright ladies and gentlemen, you might as well sit down because this one is a doozy. Not sure if thats a word or even how to spell it, but it is so just deal with it. Anyways, this is the story of how I drove 300 miles across Iowa in the Miata and all of the interesting things that happened to me along the way.
Here we go! I was heading to a small town in Iowa to meet up with a friend and go to some concerts over a weekend during mid July. Thinking a road trip sounded like fun, I told my parents that I was going to take my much more reliable car and that I'd see them in a few days. I woke up early and decided that driving the Miata sounded like much more fun, especially with the added danger that I might break down, because whats life without a little risk of a catastrophic breakdown between two cornfields, miles away from anyone I know who can come help me? See? Glad you guys understand.
Anyways, I left at like 5am because I wanted to get there early, and because I'm an idiot, I put the top down because how cold could it be? It's summer! So, I proceeded down Interstate 80, and I'll be honest, it was freaking cold. Like freezing cold. Like if I could go back in time, I'd smack myself, put the top up, and given myself some coffee because oh god things were gonna get worse. But I can't go back in time, at least not yet that is...
So there I am, freezing to death when I finally decide that it's time for the top to go up, and that I'm gonna wuss out. Out of nowhere, this car comes up beside me and the driver throws his/her (I was tired and couldn't really tell/what's a girl?) fist in the air. Now, being 20 and damn proud of my car, I take this as a sign of "Yeah! Go you!" and I told myself that I couldn't let Mr./Ms. Nissan down, and so I continued to power through Council Bluffs doing my best impression of a popsicle. A few more miles down the road I began to wonder why i couldn't move my fingers very well anymore, so I finally stopped at an exit and put the top up. I gave in, and if you are reading this right now, then I apologize my genderless Nissan driving friend. I failed you.
Now, putting the top up may have saved me from the fabled July frostbite, but it also set me up for disaster. See, I put the top up and immediately felt great about my new ability to move my fingers again and also about how warm it finally was, but the warm cabin of the Miata would come to betray me very soon. Now I don't remember the time when I first began to fall asleep at the wheel, but I can only assume it was around still-way-too-early-to-be-driving-anything-much-less-a-craigslist-car o'clock. So I started nodding off and had a couple of wake up calls when I drove over the rumble strips at the side of the road, but nothing major. This is where the coffee I mentioned earlier makes its comeback. The next time I nodded off, I awoke and found that I was heading straight for a big-ass orange construction cone, and not one of the tiny orange triangle ones, it was one of the tall skinny ones. I thank god everyday that it wasn't one of the huge cylinder ones that are bigger than most children, because someone would have had to pick up pieces of Miata bumper for days at least.
Thanks to my excellent Formula 1 driver racing reflexes, I managed to only run over the base of the cone, but it still freaked me out beyond all reason. I stopped by the side of the road, checked out my tire and noticed that it looked like it still had the same amount of air in it, did some jumping jacks to wake up, and went on with my life. I do not know about the condition of the cone, but I hope it was sent straight to traffic cone hell, where it belongs. Miata - 1 Cone - 0
I made it to Ames! Woo! I reached my halfway point and decided it was time for some breakfast, and there was only one thing that could quench my hunger. Cini-Mini's. I got off of the interstate and the Miata decided it hated me for my traffic cone abuse and started screeching again. I then began to A) curse its name and B) ask why it was doing this to me again. I pulled into the Burger King parking lot, told the car I would deal with it after a nice breakfast, and headed on in. I go up to the counter to order and the lady at the front tells me thAT BURGER KING DOESNT CARRY CINI-MINI'S ANYMORE. She happily offers me some Cinnabon crap, but I'm not interested because she has ruined my morning and possibly even my life. I ordered some hash browns and headed out to the car. I start it up and it screeches, so I open the hood to discover the issue. The engine is shaking a bit more violently than usual, but using my amazing mechanical ability, I decide that its probably still safe to drive and will still get me to my friends house, so I threw deuces to the Burger King manager that still haunts my dreams. Oh, I also put the top down in the BK parking lot because convertible.
The screeching stopped soon after I merge onto the interstate, and I decide to dig into my hash browns. Now, not only did this lady crush my soul with news of the death of a national hero (Cini-Mini), but she also decides that she's gonna make me some extremely mediocre hash browns apparently. Nice touch. Burger King's whole "Have It Your Way" motto is a lie, because my way included Cini-Mini's and tasty hash browns. Kick a man while he's down I guess.
Anyways, things go right for me for awhile and I begin to feel the hope. Maybe, just maybe I'll get there. I notice that my gas tank is almost empty, so I stop in Waterloo, IA for some gas. I exit the interstate and can either turn left where there is a gas station in view, or turn right where there is a sign claiming that there is a gas station just down the road. It's a red light and I don't want to wait, so i turn right, and guess what? There's no gas station. It's all just a sick twisted lie. So there I was, speeding through Waterloo trying to find a gas station because I am on E and the Miata starts screeching again. At this point I accept the fact that I probably don't make it to the end of the road trip when suddenly a green dinosaur appears in the distance. Sinclair. A gas station known for being there when you need it most. Unlike the earlier sign which betrayed me, this sign is no lie and I stop and fill up. I call my friend because she was going to give me faster directions from Waterloo, and she asks where exactly I am in Waterloo. Honestly, I have no clue, and I realize that its a good thing I live in this century where we have phones with GPS, because I got lost trying to find gas. She laughs at me and I use my GPS which gets me back to the interstate.
Things go well for awhile again, until I am told by my GPS to take an exit. Normally this would be fine, but the exit numbers are weird and they don't make sense and I miss my exit. I'm killin' it. I continue to the next exit and then the GPS tells me to take some back roads through small towns. I decide "F*** it, we'll do it live" and follow the GPS' orders. The GPS, like many other things that morning, betrayed me. It takes me to a small town in which the road is down to one lane going both ways because of construction, so I have to sit and wait around for all the other cars to come and go. Normally not much of an issue, but while I'm sitting in line, the Miata decides to start screeching again. At this point I've had enough and I just turn the car off and wonder if anyone in this town is willing to trade for a rusty 90's convertible... I eventually get my turn to go and I get stuck behind a Buick going about 10mph. "Okay, this is fine, I can deal with this"I tell myself. The Buick then drives over the newly laid blacktop and tries to turn onto a street with a huge construction sign saying "ROAD CLOSED". I decide that this moment is too awkward and horrible to watch, so I speed around and the GPS then tells me that I have to drive across the fresh blacktop. Using my newly discovered life motto of "Ride or Die", I speed across the blacktop and make my way through the rest of the town.
Against all odds, I finally made it to my friends house in the Miata. 5ish hours, 300 miles and multiple betrayals later, I did it. But then it hits me.
I still have to make it back home at some point. But I know I'll make it, because the Miata always makes it.
Thanks for reading!
